If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she peed on how many people?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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