You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
