dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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