I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
