god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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