she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
