i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
not ubering you a puppy
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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