sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
