Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
