Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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