I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
