He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
