so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
