1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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