So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
