Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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