Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
