Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
