not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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