More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
