Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
