i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
