god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
