who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
