stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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