Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
