The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
