His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I did not marry a roomba.
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