Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
