its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My ATM looks so different sober.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
