You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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