I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
