his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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