i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
