watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
