the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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