508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
