I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
