You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
