don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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