shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i already hear my dad disowning me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
