The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
