y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
