so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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