I accidentally had phone sex last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
