I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
