so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She even gives head with a lisp.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
