The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
