We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize