So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
