i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sorry my hands just texted you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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