Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
